Yesterday we went to Bulacan because it was Christmas.  We had a wonderful feast for lunch and we had some fun and games. I think that my mom’s side of the family has an addiction to bingo during special occasions like the town fiesta, birthdays and of course, Christmas.

So we had some time of taking pictures.  I really don’t feel comfortable about having my picture taken for so many reasons:

1. I am huge. Like seriously. ~_~ Doctor said I should lose weight. So 2012 will be all about that. My friends say I still look fine. But really. I am huge. I love my friends to bits for not being harsh. It’s just that I am realistic.
2. I don’t know how to smile properly. For some reason, most of my pictures show my ‘derpy’ side. Bah.  That or I have my eyes closed. Argh.
3. My face is lopsided. Uh, in Filipino, medyo tagilid yung mukha ko. As my boyfriend says, it’s fine considering I recovered from Bell’s Palsy some years ago.
4. I just feel so self-conscious because of the 3 given reasons earlier.

I know it’s ironic because I’ve been chronicling what I do in order to look better, to take care of my skin, etc.  That’s why review pictures take so much effort in my case. I don’t know how to take a picture of myself, especially my face.  I am more comfortable with taking pictures of swatches of products on my hand, etc. When it comes to details, I am fine with noting them down.  But pictures of my face are another matter.

A lot of beauty bloggers post their FOTD. I don’t. For one thing, I wear really simple makeup. It’s the no makeup look, or something like that haha.  Just enough to cover the blemishes, make my skin less dull (thanks to bb creams!), make my lips look less dead and enough to make my eyes more visible.  I don’t party so I don’t have party looks to share either.  I’ve got issues, don’t I? Well, who doesn’t? 

These issues are stuff I have been dealing with for years now.  I guess the makeup helps me especially when I need to go out and meet people (for whatever reason like gatherings or meetings). Normally I don’t even bother putting on anything but lip balm.

And I guess that’s why I started this blog.  I need to figure out what to do about how I look and present myself better.   Admittedly, there are tutorials on how to make the wonky eye look like they’re aligned and because it involves using eyeshadow, I haven’t been really practicing those looks because eye shadow is just so hard for me to do. I think I look like I have bruises on my eyes when I do put them on.

So this coming year, I have some resolutions to make. Some of them are:

1. Massage my face regularly. I have to look for my massager but I really need it because the right side’s facial muscles have been so tense again. It’s part of the reason why I have a lopsided face.
2. Lose weight. Doctor’s orders. Can’t do anything about that, right? XD
3. Practice how to smile. And hold it. Because I don’t want derpy pictures.
4. Shop for new clothes. New clothes to help me look good and feel good.
5. Keep on practicing the regimen I already have. And/or improve that.  I think it’s been working for me.
6. More importantly, I need to really love myself more.  It’s hard when you hear relatives asking you why the heck you weigh so much, etc. But really, it’s one of the first steps to becoming more confident. At least that’s what I think.

This blog will more or less be a record of these things in the coming months. Hope you’d keep me company in this journey. :)